An open letter to my darling late Grandfather!

Hari Om!

I bet the whole city remembers how you greeted people while going to the temple every morning for the last two decades. Same old school routine like a monk! 

Waking up early at the crack of dawn, bathing while humming that holy chant about Gangas and other rivers and how you were grateful to be breathing in this air every day, then wake the whole house with your spiritual bells and holy chants. In that saffron dhoti and golden or sometimes white kurta with a matching saffron shawl wrapped around your neck, how can I miss that huge U-shaped chandan tilak on your forehead and that grey beard and mustache! I am still waiting for you with your favorite malai-chai at your spot.

his usual spot in the house.

When I learned that you were gone, You were in ICU for 15 days then. I was in quarantine far-far away from you. For another few hours, my brain couldn't register this information. I went numb! Incapable of taking any action, for the first time in my life I've realized what it's like to lose a parent. Slowly, I gathered the courage to respond to all the calls and texts. As soon as I switched on my phone, I had so many video call requests, messages, and photos. My heart stopped as I saw you in that picture, eyes closed, mouth open, swollen face, your nose stuffed with cotton balls! they've wrapped you in a red cloth and a lot of flower petals, you were resting on a stretcher ready to be taken away from us. Even though you always applied Chandan tilak your skin looked bluish, cold! You were dead! Gone.. poof!

 I don't recall what I felt next but my whole journey with you flashed right before my eyes.

From my very first memory of you to this day, there isn't a single moment where I wanted to be away from you. You read me stories, taught me how to speak, write, walk, cycle, fly! taught me how to be kind and humble to the world. I remember you going to my PTA meetings, Sports days, Annual functions! completing my science project, art project, debate competition, homework, fancy dress costume (remember that sonpari costume? ). I confided in you when mom and dad scolded me when I came third to that singing competition when I lost my basketball game when I broke my heart for the very first time you taught me to believe in love and keep faith in myself.

When I grew up and left for college mom cried but you stood silent. You waited months for me to come home from college to cut your hair and toe nails! No one was allowed to. Collected dimes and cents to give as a blessing on each goodbye. Kept asking me when I'll be back next on every call. Soon, I moved to a big city and the younger ones left for college too. You were left alone in that big house with mom and dad.

You made Jacky your best friend (my late pet dog) and spent all your time feeding him and pampering him. He died! You lost another one to time. Then Papa found a parrot and you fell in love with him. You used to take him to the dining table for each meal, bed for each nap. You were partners! He was your pal. Soon, he died too. There was complete silence to your world now. That chirping house went awfully quiet. You started hating watching television, bad knee won't let you get out of the house, pills and medications were never your things. You missed us, your grandchildren! But never said it out loud, you were a tough man. Now that I think about it I feel so bad about how we left you alone for our careers, though that's life seems like you paid the price!

I never knew last Diwali, Rakshabandhan or Holi would be your last with us. I don't know what I would've done otherwise but I really hate myself for not being there with you in your last days. I never got to say goodbye! Never got to participate in any ritual after your funeral. I'll always be regretful about this.

Our last Rakshabandhan together.

Consider this my eulogy. You were a great man. I consider myself to be really blessed to have shared my life with you, to have learned so much from you and been raised by you. They say I look like you and Papa, I hope I'm doing you proud. It's been 13 days you're still gone but this void and pain will never go away.

I haven't said this enough but I love you. I miss your touch, your scent, your voice, your quirks everything! If the afterlife is true, I want you to live happily and peacefully up there, keep watching us and blessing us. I'll forever be grateful for all your love and morals.

I'll stock up our freezer with Kulfi, always make lots of gujiya, your favorite raita, and burn one roshni every Diwali. Mom will take care of your ThakurJi. And hey, I finally got you a Car this is a big one! I wish you had waited few more days. Next time, maybe!

Rest in peace.

I promise. I'll take care of everything here.

I'll take it up from here.

Yours forever grateful granddaughter,

Hari Om!